call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
birth control should be required to get into college
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
