just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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