how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
