we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize