I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
