sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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