I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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