So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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