dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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