there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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