i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
