No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
