I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
