I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
if only i could text you this smell
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
