i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
