i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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