i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my being single is dangerous.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
