I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
