just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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