Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
