I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
