who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
