I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
