So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
