Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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