So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
