1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
