I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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