It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
