no, he came in my armpit
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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