I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He is an equal opportunity slut.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
