You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
