Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
