planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize