I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
