Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
did you just send me my own nude
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
