he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
