weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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