i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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