Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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