Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
