I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
