Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
