btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
