I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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