you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
