Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
