I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
