u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
