Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
