who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
