Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
