I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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