Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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