just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
