Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
