Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm gonna have a badass scar
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize