Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
