overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
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