Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
