You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
