There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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