yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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