I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
