Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
