Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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