last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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