so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
