Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
