I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
