My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
