I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
