I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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