just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
