We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
