the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
